Feelings at their zenith !!! - Part 3
Till date I have told my parents everything- about on whom I have a crush, who are my friends, whom I am talking to, what am I talking to them about, whom I am going to meet, etc- yea, somethings they came to know before I could tell them or somethings they themselves forced me to speak out but I told them everything (atleast to Mummy) and yet they do not trust me, they do not believe me. They think I am doing something wrong behind their backs. I tried hookah- I even told them that- yet they think I am upto some wrong doing. I can't everytime prove myself to be right. I become frustrated and that's how fights take place. But still I understand their concern for me but they don't understand my feelings. Going out with friends (including boys) is not a bad thing, these are our days to enjoy. We are matured enough to understand that what is good for us. We know our aspirations and we know that we have to work hard to attain those goals. We know how to balance studies and fun. We will not forget our aims but we also need to enjoy life.
Before taking admission in Banasthali I told my parents that finding only girls around me I would have problem Talking to guys when I move out of college but they told me that I will not face such a problem but I say now that I faced the problem. Its such a weird and bad feeling when you find yourself acting dumb when you see the opposite sex. It happened to me when I went to Bits. When I was there for techfest and was waiting there with my friends (approx 50 girls) for the registration process to complete a group of gals and guys from another college came there and seeing them enjoying together, roaming so casually, a weird type of feeling crept inside me. I was unable to explain it then and unable to explain it even now, I felt like I would cry, I was not willing to see them. My friend Meenu shared the same feeling. I was feeling so embarrased behaving this way like I had seen aliens. Really, it was like a new world to me. It was like I was ignorant that such a thng could even exist. Seeing My friends from other colleges it feels so bad that the fun they are having is so impossible for me in Banasthali. My parents say that "Ek baar padhai kar lo fir to jo karna hai karna". When I tell them that my friends enjoy so much in co-ed college they come up with the words like "Abhi padhne ka time hai...aisi waise cheezon pe dhyan mat lagao...unko krne do masti tum padhai pe dhyan do" That's when I feel irritated and the arguments heat up or I just keep mum and hide my feelings. All the words I want to say to them are kept secured inside me somewhere.
Just some last words- Ma-Paa I love you a lot from the bottom of my heart, don't ever forget that. Hope I could tell you all this in person. Hope I don't have to feel the need of a blog to tell my feelings to. Wish it would be you sitting beside me instead of this lifeless object (laptop), make you understand what I feel, what I am going through. You both are special to me. I am on this earth to fulfill your dreams and to do that I can bear whatever comes my way even if its your negligence towards my actual logic. Living for you always. You will always be a priority come who may !!!
Before taking admission in Banasthali I told my parents that finding only girls around me I would have problem Talking to guys when I move out of college but they told me that I will not face such a problem but I say now that I faced the problem. Its such a weird and bad feeling when you find yourself acting dumb when you see the opposite sex. It happened to me when I went to Bits. When I was there for techfest and was waiting there with my friends (approx 50 girls) for the registration process to complete a group of gals and guys from another college came there and seeing them enjoying together, roaming so casually, a weird type of feeling crept inside me. I was unable to explain it then and unable to explain it even now, I felt like I would cry, I was not willing to see them. My friend Meenu shared the same feeling. I was feeling so embarrased behaving this way like I had seen aliens. Really, it was like a new world to me. It was like I was ignorant that such a thng could even exist. Seeing My friends from other colleges it feels so bad that the fun they are having is so impossible for me in Banasthali. My parents say that "Ek baar padhai kar lo fir to jo karna hai karna". When I tell them that my friends enjoy so much in co-ed college they come up with the words like "Abhi padhne ka time hai...aisi waise cheezon pe dhyan mat lagao...unko krne do masti tum padhai pe dhyan do" That's when I feel irritated and the arguments heat up or I just keep mum and hide my feelings. All the words I want to say to them are kept secured inside me somewhere.
Just some last words- Ma-Paa I love you a lot from the bottom of my heart, don't ever forget that. Hope I could tell you all this in person. Hope I don't have to feel the need of a blog to tell my feelings to. Wish it would be you sitting beside me instead of this lifeless object (laptop), make you understand what I feel, what I am going through. You both are special to me. I am on this earth to fulfill your dreams and to do that I can bear whatever comes my way even if its your negligence towards my actual logic. Living for you always. You will always be a priority come who may !!!
u r my angel...i m always wid u...u cn share all ur feelings wid me freely..dnt b sad 4 wat had happnd ealier..i wl giv u all d liberty 2 live ur lyf 2 d fullest...luv u always..:)<3<3<3
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Maa ... Love you <3
ReplyDeleteDear Lado, quite engrossingly I went thru ur blog which ws based basically on a few events happened quite recently. I appreciate ur selection of words and obviously ur step towards educing ur feelings for us and ur own. It smells good to come from a daughter like u. Quite truly and obviously it lacked the smell of ours as probably u did not step into our shoes. Lado, possibly there was a lack of transperancy in our relations and we were oblivious of the facts-otherwise u would not have taken the help of a BLOG to make us aware of your logics, ideas, needs, deeds, strengths, worries, friends, trusts, love for us, ignorances, embarrasements, feelings etc, etc, etc.,……………Genuinely, Lado WE DO LOVE U as any parent would do to their loving daughter. WE DO TRUST U as maybe most of the parents would be doing. We also know that U TOO LOVE US THAN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH (not to be written or said). But there are valid reasons for our objecting you over a few issues -we trust you but do not trust others particularly boys. This is where we have our experiences and know-hows in todays life (and u will agree to the fact that we have definitely 30 years extra experience than urs). U have rightly said that u are a SIMPLETON and this is where we worry more. We trust u for no wrong doings behind our back but u r too simple to be aware of the cruel world around u. Here I recall and hope u still remember a statement made by me during one of our meals at a restaurant – Akanksha if u wish to meet any of ur friends (boys in particular) do bring him HOME so that we all sit together and talk. I think this will settle all your queries about us of not having faith or trust in you.
ReplyDeleteYesterday there was a dialog in one of the serials where a father says to his daughter “ Beta, hamare sanskar mein sabse pehle family hai aur uske usoolon ko kadra karna hai. Parantu agar koi un usoolon ke khilaaf jana chahta hai to uske paas genuine reason and assurance hona chahiye”. This is what we would like to inculcate in you. If u have a valid reason for anything u wish to do then GO AHEAD, we would not stop u. We do agree that we are slightly over-protective which is beyond our control (its natural) but if this happens to trouble and irritate you at any instance then do LET US KNOW. We will try to change that. (Read my article-The day I slapped myself).
About sending you to a womens’ college was definitely a reason for your safety but it was also because of a good institute and placements as we enquired from our contacts. I have also studied in a boys institute and we had no girls in our class, but we never bothered. We had a grand time amongst us rather thinking about the opposite sex. Yes we did talked about them but it did not go beyond that. Is it a fashion to be with boys or to study with boys or to have boys around or what???? Am I obsolete or in any way an odd person out when there are females around. Am I not responsive or do I seem stupid in a female gathering now? So its not because you are in a same sex atmosphere but it is probably your looking yourself in that perception. Come out of it. Well, you are almost out of it in a few months, then we will try to get you in a good Institute with lots and lots of boys around you. BE CAREFUL AND CHEER UP NOW.
Yes I do agree to the fact that we still do not accept that you are grown up now. You are still a small child for us who is very sensitive, emotional and obviously IMMATURE. (My mother till her last days never agreed that I have grown up and I really liked to be like that so that I can have all the liberties to lie on her lap and caress her).
Do not forget to write your feelings for your own Children when you have them. Probably they will somewhat match with ours-I believe.
Take Good Care of yourself and get SMARTER.
LOVE U ALWAYS
Popsi
Thanx a lot papa for understanding my feelings and letting me know about yours. I apologize if any thing I said above hurt you. This was just a way to let you both know my feelings. Love you
ReplyDelete