Confessions !

Something's not stable,
Something's creating havoc in my mind,
I have a lot to reason,
I have a lot to find.
I am not the one I was before,
I have changed a lot.
Created from the hands of God;
Now I am a creature who is on her own.
I have wishes to fulfill,
I have dreams to accomplish,
I have motives lying bare infront of me,
Yet there is no peace of mind.
There is chaos inside my head,
It asks me for a little rest.
It seeks out a little time for itself,
Where only calmness prevails.
It wants to go away to solitude,
To the lap of a mother,
To the hug of a father,
To the heart of a lover,
To the eternal love of oneself.
It seeks a friend amongst the multitude,
Such is a wish my heart's yearning for.
It doesn't want to lead such a life,
Where there's no sign of calmness of mind.
Rat race is not a thing it wants,
Wants a trail where i walk alone.
Competition is the thing i detest,
Just living for myself should have been preset.

Moving on with the poem, I just striked upon the thought about how my father thinks I will make him proud by doing something great. I can't ever let him down. I know I can't make him as happy as my sister does with all her achievements. But I know that he knows I am working hard for it. All through my school and college life I had been an average student; doing so much so that I don't dissapoint them. Just never want to fail their expectations. So, I came out of  "living for myself" idea and at that moment this poem took a different route. I understood I have some responsibilities to fulfill. Maybe right now I am not supportive of some decisions they took for me and I might have tears in my eyes right now but when they will see me in a position they want me to be in they will be happy and automatically seeing their happy faces my tears will change into tears of joy. After all, these tears will be worth it. So, now my poem goes like this :

But sometimes just living for others,
is the goal you have to have in life.
Sometimes just imbibing other's way,
is the way to go on.
no matter you are happy or not,
Just the one's you love should be content.
That needs to be my aim,
The two people who are living for me,
Should be the one's I will live and die for.
They have dreams for me ,
Which needs the arm of reality.
Just some tears while a fear inside me
says what if I could not...
They would be happy even then,
Yet I would be regretting inside.
Oh! God give me the strength to,
Carry on to live for their purpose,
So that I can witness their proud faces at last.
Just a wish of an empty heart !